How to survive the departure of people from life. One of the way.

disclaimer: The author does not pretend to knowledge of psychology, even close. It does not offer a solution “for everyone”. In principle, it offers only to look at the task from an alternative perspective.

Alex Gorodishchev
Mar 17 · 3 min read

Complex issue. It took me about 15 years to definitely release the death of my best friend. Until now, I can not let go of the fact that my grandfather died. Provided that it happened long before my birth.

I just do not have enough understanding of how it is — when you have a grandfather.

At the same time, I can understand that the sources of this are somewhat deeper. Most of all we regret those who gave us the most. Let it be not in the material expression, but in the emotional one.

So my friend replaced me with some part of his father, he showed me some possible behavior in different situations. My grandfather became alive for me according to the stories of my mother and grandmother. So, it turns out that in fact, I lacked precisely the masculine principle. To understand how to respond in a given situation.

Perhaps I myself have grown to the point where I no longer need examples, and I consider many examples frankly harmful for myself.

I still learn from people and thank the providence or fate, or the universe (underline), for the opportunity to learn new people and get new opportunities for more accurate knowledge of myself and my experience. Which turned out to be not here and now, and is a process similar in marketing to “associated conversions.” In fact, we draw some conclusions based on the basis and many micro transactions of experience. In this case, transactions can be significantly scattered in time.

In this regard, I like behavioral marketing. In the mechanics of human thinking, minor changes may occur depending on the conditions of existence. And while some things remain the same.

So, regardless of the development of the digital era, humanity has not yet gone headlong into an alternate reality, where you can save our emotional imprint, our memories, patterns of behavior and thinking. In fact, it can be called the imprint of the soul, but of course, it will not be the very soul. Again, this will not be our mind, just an imprint. SnapShot. Since such conditions are strictly linear and will not allow taking into account how a lot of small and seemingly insignificant experience can influence our reactions.

At this one could finish. Nevertheless, I want to leave my personal conclusion, all the same, the article is not about science.

For me, the only way to accept another person’s life is to understand what he gave me, how I can adapt it to current conditions. After that, I thank him and … call this process “letting go”. I remember him and no longer hold in my head as a pattern or a reminder. Now part of it is already becoming part of some process. So he will already live in one form or another. His knowledge will not be lost. This is my way to make it a bit eternal. And when the time comes, I can tell my future children about such people. There were a lot of them in my life and who left. Someone leaves a big mark, someone leaving his light, someone scars. And all those I let go.

The end

Gorodishchev Alexey aka Tigris (Wargmir)

About demotivation: over the past few years, many of my friends and acquaintances have experienced losses and their number will only grow, this is how the system works. And they found their own ways to cope … or not. Each of us knows our own way, it is with us inside. We have a choice.

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